10 Little Vamped Up Piggies

I am loving Chanel's fall colors! On a little trip to Macy's this weekend, I picked up a crucial new nail polish: Chanel's Vamp. And I couldn't resist Chanel's new Lip Glossimer pictured above: Hibiscus.

Apparently, Vamp nail polish reached insane popularity in the 1990s, and Chanel couldn't keep it stocked. The shade reached a sort of iconic level of nail polish notoriety.

The dude behind the Chanel counter at Macy's was trying to convince me on the Black Satin nail polish, which is "the rage" this season, but black nail polish looks pretty ridiculous on my fingers. Vamp was a great dark alternative POUR MOI. BTW, the same dude also tried to convince me to spend $120 on a makeup case, which was a failed effort on his part.

Usually, I'm a Sally Hansen or OPI gal, but I couldn't resist the Chanel polish, and I'm glad. The polish is super glossy, and I dig that.

I took a stupid, artistic photo with my mobile so you could see the color in real-ish life.

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Let's Go All the Way....to the Merge Point

I AM ONE OF THEM. I AM A BAD MERGER.

I have aggressively straddled two lanes with my car in order to block late merges in construction zones. I get pissed when people fly by me in the other lane AFTER I've already merged.

I have shook my fist fiercely at people who refuse to merge with everyone else a 1/2 mile before the merge zone....those a*&holes!!!

LO AND BEHOLD. I was WRONG. And some people I met from California and Pennsylvania were laughing at me as they tried to explain that people in Minnesota and Wisconsin simply don't know how to merge. They blamed it on Minnesota nice....We see a sign that says the lane is going to end, and we move over immediately cuz it's the polite thing to do. RIGHT?

WRONG. I am changing my ways, henceforth, even though I know the early mergers are going to get pissed.

From the Minnesota Department of Transportation:

"ST. PAUL, Minn. — Fifteen percent of drivers admitted to straddling lanes in order to block late merges in construction zones, according to a recent study conducted by the Minnesota Department of Transportation.

To address the more than 2,700 crashes and 18 fatalities occurring in highway construction zones last year, Mn/DOT commissioned a study to better understand the behaviors and attitudes that trigger driving decisions in merging situations as drivers enter a work zone.

'Our goal is to increase safety in work zones by reducing the confusion and frustration drivers often experience when merging,' said William Servatius, Mn/DOT's Office of Construction. 'Many times crashes occur due to aggressive driving, abrupt lane changes or sudden stops, so we want to help drivers make good choices while traveling through our work zones.'

In an attempt to minimize the problems discovered in the research, Mn/DOT also conducted a month-long field study on Highway 10 in Anoka to assess a new Dynamic Late Merge System, a traffic control strategy to improve merging at lane closures.

'The fully automated system using remote traffic microwave sensors and a Doppler radar provides instructions to drivers via changeable message signs on when to merge and how to merge according to the current state of traffic,' said Craig Mittelstadt, Mn/DOT's workzone safety specialist. 'For example, if traffic is heavy, the system will instruct motorists to use both lanes and take turns once they've reached the defined merge point just before the lane closure.'

This strategy often referred to as the 'zipper' improves traffic flow, reduces conflicts and hopefully will decrease the number of crashes when traffic demand exceeds the capacity of a single lane closure.

'Basically, we want drivers to know that under normal traffic speeds, they should try to merge early to avoid unsafe merging maneuvers; however, when traffic is congested, drivers should use both lanes all the way to the definite merge point,' said Servatius.

'We can't completely rid the roads from congestion in a workzone, but data from the study revealed this method shortened queue lengths by 35 percent and reduced lane changing conflicts,' said Mittelstadt. 'We also hope for a decline in crashes and aggressive driving behavior.'

Minnesota is one of the first states to use the Dynamic Late Merge System and plans are to continue this research in the upcoming construction season.

'People have been trying for years to research the proper way to merge, but there are so many factors to consider,' said Servatius. 'It's difficult to say what's the right way - instead we're looking for the best way.'

So if you see me flying by on the Lake Street bridge, early mergers, and you get IRRATIONALLY PISSED OFF believe me, I understand.

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Poems about Collegues

I wrote this poem about a colleague, and now every time I talk to her, I think about her waking up in the morning in a seersucker nightgown.


She has pot-bellied pigs for pets,
and with each sunrise she rises
out under a quilt from her mother.
There’s a red rag rug in her bathroom.

She dabs Oil of Olay
under her watery eyes
because her grandmother did.
She wears a seersucker nightgown.

An inherited plain and simple routine.
She’s got her ladylike
mapped out, a crossword.
Do this, this way.

I killed my pet fish,
and rise from a man’s bed
long after sunrise.
My neighbors could watch me pee.

I’ve used hand lotion on my face
cuz it's all just lard and wax,
and my mom never used nothing.
I curse and wince while brushing my hair.

My grandmother had no ways.
One year it was manure in the garden,
the next, dead carp.
Unclear routines, gigantic tomatoes.

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Melikalikimaka is the Thing to Say on My 30th Birthday

October 15, 1977: a little Reetsy was born amidst tragedy.

When I think back to the day I was born, I remember how discouraged I felt when I saw Rosemary Clooney and Bob Hope clutching one another and sobbing on TV. As the nurses spanked my bottom and shoved tubes down my throat trying to keep me alive, I had a hard time finding a reason to hold on.

I just couldn't celebrate because Bing Crosby's death was SO awful.

Bing and I shared so many interests: booze, Ireland, Count Basie, crooning, and playing golf, among others. My closest friends and family know that I have a secret passion for playing the piano and crooning songs from the 20s, 30s, and 40s. Perhaps with my first gasp of air I inhaled some of Crosby's blessed pipe smoke and was made an instant crooner.

Bing Crosby (died October 15, 1977)

RIP and Melikalikimaka, Bing.

Thanks for the laughter. Thanks for the tears. Thanks for my birthday. OH, and thanks for your HAWT daughter, Denise, aka Tasha Yar.

------------------------------------------------------------

PS - That little cabin in the woods was the RAD. A big thanks to all who attended, and to gerg for planning the best birthday party ever!

30 year-old me.

gerg as Moose

Sunset at the Lodge

Thumbs up for being 30!

Jon's first (ever) shotgun. Awe...

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OUR CELEBRATION SHALL BE MIGHTY

Behold Little Cabin in the Woods,

PREPARE THEE, little cabin. PREPARE THEE.
OUR WAY IS SWIFT AND OUR CELEBRATION SHALL BE MIGHTY.

Prepare thee a party, tune the chords; prepare a party for Reetsyburger: she that dwells among the river, age 30 is round about her, whose dominion is the Passat. Minneapolis is her strength, and Wisconsin; and there is no limit of the flight of her partygoers.

And they shalt be drunken, and shalt not be overlooked; and thou shalt seek for thyself strength, cabin, because of thine partygoers. All thy strong-holds are as fig-trees having watchers: if they be shaken, they shall fall into the mouth of the partygoers. The gates of thy land shall surely be opened to thine partygoers: their fire shall devour thy bars.

From The Burden of Grand Marais: the book of the vision of Reetsy the Burger.

Note: Some predetermined partygoers are heading to HUNGRY JACK LODGE to greet my 30th birthday head-on. We are prepared.


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When Squash Attacks

What with all of my recent raving about butternut squash risotto, I decided it was about time for me to make my own version at home.

I had a crucial squash hanging around the kitchen, so the decision was simple. RISOTTO!! However, I never anticipated the squash attack of '07!


First, I tell you my BOSS recipe:

Ingredients:
2 pounds diced Butternut squash
2 cups of chopped crimini mushrooms
1 cup diced red bell pepper
1 1/2 cup diced yellow onion
2 tablespoons Butter
2 tablespoons Olive oil
1 tablespoon Minced garlic
2 1/2 cups Arborio rice
7 cups vegetable stock (more if needed)
1 1/2 cup Freshly-grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 teaspoon Freshly-grated nutmeg
Salt --to taste
Freshly-ground black pepper --to taste

***Garnish***
Nutmeg
Shaved Parmesan cheese
Freshly ground pepper

Directions:

-Peel the squash and remove seeds. I used a vegetable peeler (don't do that-see below). Cut into small 1/4-inch dice. Set aside.
-Heat the butter and oil together in a deep saucepan and saute the onions, red pepper, and garlic until soft but not browned.
-Add the squash and rice and continue to saute and stir for 2 to 3 minutes longer. -Add stock in 1/2-cup increments stirring until absorbed. Continue adding stock and stirring until rice is creamy on outside but has some texture to it.
-Stir in the mushrooms
-Gently stir in cheese, zest, nutmeg and correct seasoning with salt and pepper. -Serve immediately in warm bowls garnished with nutmeg, additional Parmesan and black pepper.

AND THEN MY HANDS STARTED FALLING OFF.

Ok, so not quite falling off, but I noticed my skin started tightening on my fingers and then peeling. It was wikked gross. I showed gerg. He asked "Did you wash your hands?" I had washed them several times, and yet, something was not right.

I really didn't care that much, and I wanted to eat the risotto! We ate our super delicious dinner, and afterwards, gerg decided to surf the ol' world wide web to see if my hand situation was legit.

LO AND BEHOLD!!! I AM NOT A UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE! OTHERS HAVE BEEN ATTACKED BY BUTTERNUT SQUASH.

"After cutting up some butternut squash for soup, I noticed that the skin on my left hand became dry and tight. What's going on?

No matter how much I wash my hand, it doesn't seem to alleviate the problem, so I don't think it's a residue. Lotion doesn't seem to help, either. I've noticed it before when cutting up butternut squash, but never thought too much about it. (It's not on my right hand, but I assume that's because I was holding it with my left hand and cutting with my right hand, so there wasn't as much contact.)"

CUCURBITA MOSCHATA DERMATITIS!!!

As noted above, I rokked a vegetable peeler to peel the butternut. Here's why you shouldn't do that, according to noted professional "MonkeySaltedNuts".

"I hope you are not using a vegetable peeler to peel your squash because that will release a lot of whatever the substance is. The fastest and easiest way to peel a butternut is with a large kitchen knife. First cut it in half where the bulb meets the shaft. This gives a good flat support surface. Also slice off the top. Next set the top half on its cut surface on a cutting board. Use the large kitchen knife to vertically cut strips of peel from the sides. I often cut maybe 12 strips. (prepping the bottom half is similar but more difficult because your knife has to follow a curved surface)."

TIPS: Make the BOSS risotto. Don't use a peeler.




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Celebration of Republican Activities in Minneapolis

This is my commemorative art piece that celebrates Republican activities in Minneapolis.



Inspired by IIII.
Created by Reetsyburger.

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Terrence Howard: Insane

Did you read this
Elle interview with Terrence Howard!?!















Just in case you'd rather not spend your relatively sane luncheon break with a wingnut, I'll give you highlights:

ELLE: What one item could you find in a woman's house that would prove that you weren't compatible?

TH: Toilet paper—and no baby wipes—in her bathroom. (editor's note: huh?)

ELLE: Wait. I don't think I understand.

TH: If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go inside a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean. (editor's note: WTF?!?)

Hey Terrence! You CrAzY into cleanliness!!!

Continuing....

ELLE: You were married very young, got divorced, and then spent years trying to get your ex back, got together again a few years ago, but are now apart. What happened?

TH: I realized why she divorced me in the first place. I was in love with her, but she was not in love with me. I can't be upset because she doesn't find me the most beautiful thing on the planet. But I don't look much like her, so I understand that.

editor's note: That makes sense, Terrence. She didn't leave you cuz you're bat-shit CrAzY. She left cuz you don't look like her.

To shed some additional light on the subject, I offer you some unsubstantiated crap from the interwebs:

-"Press reports have since noted that Howard is "trying to reunite" with his wife, and that he has stated that he is "chasing after" her." (wikipedia)

-When NY Mag interviewed Terrence, they couldn't resist asking about baby wipes in the bathroom. Terrence offered more insight: "You know, my views and focus never change. They remain the same, about trying to find a cleaner way to live, and to be safer, you know? And maybe we should be a little more careful about social mores instead of this loose living that everybody’s gotten caught up in. We’ve lost our moral values a little bit. That’s what I was touching on.That’s what I was touching on. I believe as an artist, my nature is to speak. Do I think we need to readdress how we clean ourselves? Yeah. It took a long time for soap to catch on. Now everyone uses soap. So let’s be a little more clean, you guys. Let’s not be germophobic, but let’s be clean when we can." (editor's note: Thank you Terrence. I now understand. Baby wipes will cure loose living. BTW, I was completely in the dark about soap "catching on". )

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I'm a Two-Timing So and So

I've started another blog.

http://eatsustainable.blogspot.com/

You Are Where You Eat.

On my other blog, you can find "Reetsy Reviews" of restaurants and other food vendors. My reviews talk about how food tastes to me, but they also talk about producers and sustainable practices....from the garden to the table.

I believe sustainable choices both on the farm and in the restaurant can make the food I eat better.

The purpose of this other blog is to open a dialog on the many complex issues surrounding the concept of sustainability in food production and preparation....from the garden to the table.

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